This picture minus the beautiful hair resembles what i look like. I'm not societies ideal of a normal person. Living as a morbid obese person has been really hard on me. Not so much because of other people but because i can't stand this person. it frustrates me to no end, i don't know why i can't be a normal person. I wonder if I'd be any happier being a normal person. What's my idea of normal you ask? My idea of normal is all the attractive people that are slim, healthy, have jobs, are married, dating, have kids they are those who have lives. Basically bout everyone I know.
Posted by Hello

Sadness Within Me

I've been so preoccupied I didn't even realize I've reached my 2 yr anniversary. The last time i lost weight was last year. I lost 17lbs and was so proud of myself. But i've been gaining weight back steadily and it's damn scary.

I'm so afraid for myself. In November i weighed 513lbs and i have an appointment with my surgeon on Monday and am afraid of what my weight is now. I can't do this on my own.

I'm trying to work on it again one day at a time. I quit smoking almost 3 weeks ago now doing pretty good not craving a cigarette. Today i started back at the gym. Just gonna do it one day at a time one problem at a time the best way i know how.

I wish there were others i could relate too. i'm told i've lost a lot of weight. And i know i have it's just it isn't the same as seeing someone else go and have the surgery and coming out with the dreams i only have of looking half as good. I still have a ton of weight I'd like to lose like another 350lbs.

I've even gone to the point of asking my surgeon to please hospitalize me. I feel like I can only be successful in a controlled environment. Without that i feel so hopeless. Lately i've even been toying with the idea of having the procedure done again. I'd be willing to go through all I went through again just to be normal. Even if that risk included death. I have nothing to lose.

Inside my lonely heart weeps